Elvis the elf
A Christmas story by Rose, dedicated to all those with ME and Long Covid, from InterAction magazine.
It was December in Lapland. Year 2024.
All the Elves were extremely busy making and packing up the toys for all the children across the world.
Eric the senior Elf noticed that the young Elf Elvis was slacking and, he thought, not pulling his weight.
“Come on Elf, you need to get a wriggle on!” He pointed his fat finger to 24 December on the calendar, rolling his eyes in disapproval. “At this rate your shipment won’t be ready until 2026!”
Elvis nodded weakly and muttered to his Elf-Self, “What on Elf is wrong with me?”
Suddenly he noticed his hands were trembling, as he tried to use the packing tape. He then felt too exhausted to lift the small box into the crate.
“Are you okay, Elvis?” asked Edna.
“No, I’m not,” whispered Elvis. Suddenly he collapsed and landed among a heap of toy penguins singing Jingle Bells.
“Help!” said Edna. “Elvis has collapsed.”
Eric and the Packing Elves rushed over and circled Elvis.
“Stop that noise, please… I cannot bear the noise. Please!” cried Elvis.
Santa was alerted and rushed over from his grotto. He picked up Elvis in his arms and took him to the ward on Sleepy Dust Corner, where the poorly Elves would stay to recover. “It’s okay, Elvis, I will make sure you get the best Sleepy Dust treatment there is!”
The Elf Doctor Ernest was very concerned about Elvis. “He caught the flu last month, Santa, the Real Elf Flu – not just a sniffle! He might have Post Viral Elf Flu.”
Santa nodded from left to right and right to left and right again.
“I cannot let him get sicker. We need to find a cure,” said Santa. He marched off to find Mrs Claus.
“But there is no cure… no cure for PVEF,” muttered Elf Doctor Ernest.
Elvis cried, “The room is spinning, and Rudolph’s nose is too bright for my eyes. I cannot stand it. My ears are burning and I feel as if I have bugs crawling on me. I am hot and cold at the same time. My body feels like lead. My thoughts are racing. My arms and legs keep twitching. I feel scared; I am too Elf-exhausted to sit up… what is wrong with me?”
Rudolph was very sad, because he could not shine his nose so bright as it would hurt Elvis. All the Elves had to tip toe, so the noise of their bells did not make a sound. Santa could only mime “Ho-Ho-Ho” and Mrs Claus could not wear her mince-pie perfume, as Elvis had sensitivity to smells.
It was very sad in Lapland.
The days, weeks, months and years went by, and Elf Elvis was still bedridden in Sleepy Dust Corner. “I may as well give up, Santa, feed me to the reindeer.”
“I will not do any such thing, Elvis! The reindeer are vegan and besides, you must BELIEVE.”
One magical moment, Santa felt some magic in his belly and the beautiful aurora borealis beamed down. The phone rang in the Grotto. It was from Professor Elf Heineken, who had been studying the DNA in Elves and why their bodies shut down after contracting Elf Flu.
“I cannot promise my remedy will work, Santa. So far it has only been clinically tried on Dutch Elves, but they have improved enough to wear their clogs again.”
Santa jumped up from his chair in glee – with his bottom still stuck in the chair! He thought to himself, Goodness, I need to tell Mrs Claus to not feed me too much. I am now stuck!
“Yes, do come with this medicine, Professor,” he said. “Elvis needs it as it is the first of December, and I know he would love to feel better for Christmas!”
Professor Elf Heineken arrived by Reindeer flight the very next day.
He gave Elf Elvis the medicine, which was to decode the impact of Elf Flu and recover from PVEF. Elvis coughed and spluttered on the first sip and then he slept for five days and had the medicine by intravenous Elf Drip.
By 10 December, Elf Elvis managed to sit up in bed; then he could clean his own teeth. He managed to eat some Elf Porridge and, on Christmas Day, he could manage a mince pie.
Elf Elvis continued to recover and that was because he had lots of support, love, rest and, of course, the medicine.
Rudolph could finally shine his nose bright again. The Elves danced around Elf kitchen in celebration, whilst Santa ate more mince pies!
As the Elf clock ticked, and time went by, Elvis recovered enough to go ice skating at Elf-Rink and met his future wife, Elf Elaine, on the ice.
They then had Elf-Twins, Esa and Eetu. And lived a very Elfie life together!
Believe!
