From InterAction 120, published autumn 2025
How can we manage our wellbeing when interacting with others online?
SPEED READ
In our digital age, we can communicate in various ways. We can form relationships online that are meaningful, valuable and supportive. There are real people behind the screens. This has both benefits and challenges. In this article, we start a conversation about life online, with some reflections on how to manage our wellbeing in this environment.
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Any human interaction comes with benefits and challenges. This is true for communication and communities both offline and online.
Digital communication can open up opportunities for help and social support, where illness and disability prevent leaving the house. Appointments conducted on screen are helpful for some. Being able to quickly look up information can save energy.
Social media can be a way of keeping in touch with groups of people, of staying up to date with news, of feeling less ‘out of the loop’. Communities and online groups, whether on existing social media platforms or offered directly by an organisation (like our forums for adults and young people with ME) can create a safe space for people to share, regardless of distance.
Deep friendships arise out of constant conversation, whatever the media of communication used. Sometimes an online environment can lead people to share more of themselves with each other than they would otherwise.
With real people come real emotions, thoughts, disagreements and (sometimes) agendas. The freedom people can feel online in terms of how much they share can be both positive and negative. Without being privy to tone of voice, misunderstandings can arise.
All the usual suspects of challenges of any relationship are here and can sometimes feel more intense. Everyone has different ways of speaking and don’t always realise how they come across.
Depending on the personalities in communities, some can become very vocal and divisive.
Sometimes we end up in what is called an ‘echo chamber’ – all we hear are our own views reflected back. Views can become very polarised and defensive without much room for nuance – or kindness. People can also get territorial about online spaces, which can cause an imbalance of power and make others feel unwilling to speak.
Sadly, there are those who ‘troll’ others for the sake of it, trying to bait others, cause reactions and inflict pain.
When online community becomes your main community, it has particular importance and emotional impact for you. It can be a lifeline to those who can’t communicate with others in other ways.
However, this also means that if something goes wrong, if there is misunderstanding and conflict, it can be particularly painful. The sense of safety that you’ve built around that space is endangered. This can feel very isolating.
For those with low or barely existent energy, everything becomes a rationing exercise. We can see this in terms of screentime, energy spent in a conversation, energy spent sitting up.
On the deeper level, there is often more going on. We need to reflect on what are our biggest energy stealers (which will vary from person to person). Keeping healthy boundaries requires mental and emotional energy and if those that energy is limited it’s harder to manage them – and small things can feel enormous.
When interacting online, we are often very focused and don’t realise that we’ve run out of energy until the fatigue overwhelms us. This can also exacerbate post-exertional malaise (PEM).
Ask: What aspects of online life are the real energy drainers for me? What aspects give me the most encouragement?
In an age of immediacy, it can be easy to assume someone will reply quickly to messages. We can get upset if we feel ignored, but lack of response can be due to so many things.
We feel pressure to respond immediately, too! Quick replies are tempting but can backfire. It’s worth taking a moment, counting to 10, asking “do I really want to say that?” and also “is that what they actually meant?” And if they did mean it, does it deserve my energy in responding?
Misunderstandings can cycle round like a Chinese whispers of intentions, each causing more damage, when the original meaning was quite different.
We can be as hurt by thoughtlessness as much as anything.
Ask: What am I expecting of this community and this person? Are my expectations reasonable? What am I expecting of myself? Is that reasonable? (We often reserve the harshest judgement for ourselves.)
Acknowledge the impact on your feelings. “Words can never hurt me” is one of the biggest lies ever told! Your feelings are valid.
Fatigue and brain fog make emotional self-management much harder. Be gentle with yourself – and others. Simply acknowledging this difficulty can change the whole tone of a conversation towards kindness.
Ask: How am I feeling today? What have I brought with me into this discussion – is it affecting how I ‘read the room’? What can I not manage emotionally today (ie give yourself permission to protect yourself)?
Boundaries matter and are important in managing all aspects of wellbeing.
Be clear about what you can and can’t engage with. Don’t be afraid to say, “I don’t have capacity to answer this right now”, or not to say anything at all.
Challenge your fears of missing out. You don’t have to read or respond to everything. If an online conversation triggers something unhelpful for you, give yourself permission to disengage from it.
If an interaction creates a stress response in you – be it agitation, nausea, tears – it’s taking enormous gulps of your precious energy. Take a break.
Sometimes closing the screen or putting the phone down temporarily can be the best option.
If you find a particular person unhelpful or don’t want to see them on social media feeds, remember you have the power to control what you see and you are perfectly within your rights to protect yourself. Blocking and muting are often options, and sometimes you can ‘snooze’ a person if you are finding them too much to cope with at the moment.
Where someone causes intentional hurt, block and report. There are ‘trolls’ online who will deliberately bait you for a reaction.
If you are part of a moderated community, such as our forums, contact the moderators immediately if you experience any kind of abuse from other users. You can also contact moderators if you are worried about the wellbeing of someone else.
It is not your responsibility to look after everyone else in an online community. Remind yourself of your own limitations when you are tempted to step in to help. Work out the boundaries you need to create for your own wellbeing.
Relationships formed online can be as profound as any. Many deep and lasting friendships can be formed. By practising the art of self-management and self-care, many find real value, support and resources in and from online communities.
